My Story – What Culture Taught Me

Growing up in the church, I was often asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?”, “When will you get one?”, “How many kids do you want?”

These questions weren’t necessarily harmful, but I noticed they weren’t being asked to the boys in our youth group. Rarely did anyone ask me, “What career are you dreaming of?”, “What school do you want to go to?”, or “What will you do with your life?”

It was as if my future had already been written: If you’re a girl, you grow up, get married, and have kids. And if that doesn’t work out, then you keep studying.

Ironically, once I got to university, the script flipped. Suddenly, the question was always, “What career are you pursuing?” And if anyone dared say, “I want to be a mom,” the response was almost something like, “Then why are you here?”  It was almost as if you were unwelcome, or as if motherhood had no place in “serious” spaces. 

It was like neither world—church or school—really left space for both. Sometimes I felt like I was standing between two extremes: one side worshipping motherhood within marriage, and the other side kind of dismissing it altogether.

But I don’t think either extreme reflects the heart of God. I really believe He leads each woman on a unique path—a journey that doesn’t need to be compared to anyone else’s.

Motherhood, My Own Personality & Creativity

 I’ll be honest: some of the wrestlings that I felt between the two “extremes” is just me, and my personality. I’m the kind of person who’s easily influenced by people around me. When I was little, I wanted to be a mom… but was that because I actually wanted to be a mom, or just because I saw most women in my world doing that?

Then when I was in university, I suddenly felt very career-driven and wanted to become a full-time teacher. But again—was that really my dream, or just what everyone around me was doing?

But beneath all the layers of expectation, I kept hearing this quiet voice within me: I just want to create. Even if it didn’t pay, even if no one noticed—it felt essential, like breathing. Creating has always been how I process life, heal, and connect with God and my inner child.

Now, here I am—on the other side of having taught in classrooms, and now on the journey of becoming a mom (plus a handful of other random jobs in between, haha). And the question I find myself asking is: Okay… so you know you want to create. How are you going to make time to keep doing it?

So again, here I am. Writing this blog on motherhood while sitting at my desk, with a “My Brest Friend” pillow strapped around me, feeding my baby, listening to the Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron soundtrack. (Yes, it still slaps.) For the record, I still haven’t really figured out how to nurse in public, so… I’m not exactly getting out much 😂

How I Ended up a Mother

Anyway, a little confession: we didn’t “pray for a baby” the way some people do. What we prayed was, “Lord, Your will be done.”

Now, don’t get me wrong – this isn’t one of those “prosperity gospel” or “just surrender and believe and then you get exactly what you want” posts. God is not a genie in a bottle.

The thing is, Peter and I went back and forth for a long time about whether we wanted kids. From a practical perspective, there’s a lot to consider. And in the culture we were raised in, most of us actually get to choose, which is totally a privilege, but can also make things even more complicated.

I want to pause here and say—I know not everyone gets to choose. Some people want children and can’t have them. Some become parents in unexpected or painful ways. Some are still figuring it out. I want to honor all those stories too, but this blog is just about ours, and the incredible work God has done. 

After three years of marriage, a lot of traveling, and a lot of prayer, we felt it was time for me to come off contraceptives. That decision came with its own wrestlings, and I know the topic itself is a touchy one in many Christian circles—but again, that’s not what this post is about.

What I do want to share is this: I was scared.
Like, really scared.
Like, I was more scared of birth than normal people are of going sky-diving or bungee-jumping 😂

I was scared of the pain.
Of losing myself.
Of messing everything up.
Of not being enough.

So anyway, I prayed:
Lord, if You want me to be a mom, I will. And if You don’t, I won’t.

And oddly enough, there was peace in that. Not because I suddenly felt brave or had it all figured out, but because I believed that no matter what, God was going to be with me.

I strongly believe that God does not want us to make any decision out of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7, Isaiah 41:10, Joshua 1:9, John 14:27)

In my place of fear, God showed me something important. Around that time, before I got pregnant, I watched a movie where a woman’s life split into two paths—one where she became a mom, and one where she didn’t. At the end of both storylines, she looks at herself in the mirror and says, “You’re okay.”

I cried when I saw that. It wasn’t a Christian film, but something about it hit me hard. We’re taught that once we choose a path, there’s no going back. And that’s true in many ways—especially when you become a parent.

But what I’m learning is that if you are on the path that God is calling you to, you are worshipping Him in obeying His call, and that is the most beautiful and rewarding thing. He truly knows the desire of our hearts. (Psalm 37:4) In fact, sometimes he gives us gifts that we didn’t even know we wanted! He knows us better than we know ourselves.

Sometimes we don’t get to choose what happens to us, or the path that we are led down, but choice or not, when we follow God wherever, we can trust that He has our best interest at heart and that we are going to be okay with Him. 

What Culture Says

From my journey, I’ve often felt that culture pits our paths against one another, feeding us lies about motherhood, childlessness, and singleness:

• “Mothers sacrifice more. They’re always tired.”
• “The childless aren’t fulfilled.”
• “Singles are lonelier. They don’t have support.”
  

But those aren’t universal truths.
Mothers get lonely.
Childless couples are fulfilled.
Singles sacrifice, too.
All have gifts. All carry burdens.

Unfortunately even the church has been prone to believing and even implementing the lies that culture tells us when it comes to motherhood, parenting and singleness. 

Let’s stop comparing and start honoring the unique story God is telling in each of our lives. (See “What the Bible Says” section below.)

And please, let’s also stop calling singleness a ‘season.’ It wasn’t just a season for Paul—it was his life!

What the Bible Says

Yes, God honours motherhood:

• “Her children rise up and call her blessed…” (Proverbs 31:28)
• “Children are a heritage from the Lord…” (Psalm 127:3)
• “I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice…” (2 Timothy 1:5)
  

But God also honours the singles AND the childless:

• “I wish that all of you were as I am.” (1 Corinthians 7:7–8 – by Paul)
• “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths… I will give them an everlasting name…” (Isaiah 56:3–5)
• “Some choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 19:11–12)
  

One calling is not better than the other. Just different. Both are deeply meaningful in the Kingdom of God, and we are called to honour one another in that:

• “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.” (1 Corinthians 12:4–6)
• “For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” (Romans 12:4–5)
• “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)

And no matter which path God has us on, we can trust Him:

• “The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.” (Psalm 145:13)
• “He who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23)
• “Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.” (Deuteronomy 7:9)

My Hope

So here I am—somewhere in the messy middle of:

• Figuring out how to make space for both being a new mom and a creative at heart
• Understanding the differences between what God wants, what I want and what culture wants 
• Trusting & surrendering to God, but still a little scared to walk the path He has for me

Whether you’re a mom, single, married without kids, or unsure of where you belong—the path that you are on matters. Worshipping God in the path He has put you on matters. 

You’re not behind. You’re not missing out. If you’re walking with God, you’re exactly where you need to be.

And wherever you’re at—keep creating. Keep healing. Keep trusting. Keep obeying. Even if it’s messy. Even if no one sees it but God.

Because He sees you. And I believe there are so many blessings in store for those who keep to the path that He has entrusted to them, no matter what culture says (Luke 1:45, Psalm 37:23). ♥️

Lord, help us to trust the path You’ve placed us on. Give us grace for the days we feel unsure, and courage to keep creating, healing, and walking with You no matter what happens and no matter what culture says. Amen.